Wednesday, February 9, 2011

My Roommates, Part 1: Taylor

I have always lucked out with having exceptionally awesome roommates. My freshman year I was matched with Annie, who would later become one of my best friends, and then from friendships we created throughout our freshman year and one long time friend, the rest of our living situations went smoothly.

My roommate Taylor, I miss terribly. This post is an explanation as to why.

I met Tay when she lived in the single across the hall from Annie and I. She was quiet but seemed nice, and then as time went on, she quickly revealed herself to be awesome.  

Voothies are a mixture of smoothies and vodka. Remember how I said she was awesome? Told you so. Taylor custom ordered this at Max and Erma's one night and we've never looked back from the delicious, frozen, bliss that this beverage provides. The waitress may judge you as she did Tay and I, but you should probably try it.

Tay and I bonded over geek television shows, bad movies, and quirky drinking games. Especially senior year, when our work loads were more demanding than ever (Taylor with her intensive degree program finishing, applying to grad school, trying to figure out moving in with her boyfriend, and work as an EMT. Me with two jobs of my own, my major and minor wrapping up, and going through the final stages of an unhealthy relationship), when we had time to spare, we would vent, try breathing, and play a round of Penny Can, trying to make sense of our lives.

Penny Can is able to solve all.

While I could go on and on about our favorite places to go around town, midnight movies, excessive amounts of sugar, dining hall brunches, feeding squirrels, our plans to get a puppy by planting grass on our balcony in a baby pool (which worked, btw, even if we never got the puppy), worrying servers, attempting to grill and giving up in favor of cupcakes being easier, and infinite trips to Wal-Mart... this post is just going to focus on our drinking games. Particularly in relation to television, a central component to our apartment.

Not because we drank a lot. Frankly, quite the opposite. Drinking for drinking's sake never appealed to us, and with our work and schedules, would never have worked out in our favor. But rather because, when we did, we thought our methods were hilarious.

One game that sticks out in my mind is when we decided to take a drink every time the words "baby", "pregnant", "pregnancy", all variations of "mom", or "you just don't understand" were used during the Lifetime movie The Pregnancy Pact

For those of you who don't know and who also did not click that link, this movie is ridiculous. It's about a bunch of teen girls who get pregnant together due to a flimsy plan they all have... Also, we went through a cowboy hat phase for awhile.

Essentially, our game ended disastrously for us. The hats and the Lifetime movie. We had given the Lifetime screen writer much too much credit at coming up with lines. Our key words were used in rapid sucession and repeatedly. As we were both somewhere in between the categories of lightweights/occasional drinkers, we were goners before the first half. 

We liked to make up games moments before watching some of our favorite television shows sometimes too, but that was put to an abrupt stop after an episode of Castle fit our exact predictions and caused us to be tipsy on a Monday night.

We had seen part one of the two part episode and, at the end of the episode, our heroine is in her apartment taking a shower and then the scene cuts away to our hero running down the street trying to call her and tell her that her place is going to explode. As he runs, the apartment explodes! No sign or mention what happens to Detective Kate Beckett!

So, we were talking throughout the course of the next week and decided on various crazy methods in which she could have survived. Run out the fire escape and avoided the blast, been showering at her hot neighbors place and just been fooling us, or maybe even just having her be BA and stroll out of the flames like it was no big thing. We decided that we'd take a drink for any of those and a couple others... and then we were talking right before the episode and decided that if she had filled her tub with water and dove in to avoid the flames, we'd waterfall our entire glasses.

Shocked, we had done our own dares. And then proceeded with the normal drinking game throughout the course of the episode, (for Castle: "murder", "hot", any cliches about the victim's profession, any sexual innuendo relating to the death, any suggested scenes of flirty tension between Castle & Beckett). Twas a fun, tipsy time.

Out of all our television drinking games, however, one is more memorable than all the rest. The Maury Drinking Game. 

We would play this whenever Maury came on and we could manage it. In Ohio, it's usually around 5PM so, it was rarely great timing but, when it was, oh man. The rules were typed out and laminated on our coffee table for just such ocassions. I will share the entire rules with you guys and leave it at that. 

Next time you watch Maury, I promise this will make it even better. Enjoy! Hope you guys have some friends as awesome as my Taylor to play it with :)

Maury Drinking Game (EXTREME Paternity Test Edition)
Drink when any of the following occur:
1.     A man says he can’t be the father because he “doesn’t make disabled babies.”
a.       Same goes for if he “doesn’t make boy babies” or “doesn’t make girl babies”…and so on (basically, anytime he reveals his lack of knowledge on the topic of genetics)
2.     A woman discusses how the alleged father is her one true love and soul mate…then proceeds to tell the story of how she cheated on him with his best friend/brother/cousin/etc., therefore, he may not be the father of their child.
a.       Take 2 drinks if the woman has waited more than 2 years to tell him
3.       Maury says, “You ARE NOT the father.”
4.     Maury says, “You ARE the father.” (Let’s be honest, this isn’t much better than him not being the father – the kid’s screwed either way)
5.      When the alleged father’s mother/sister/cousin/girlfriend/etc. comes on the show and is just so sure that he isn’t the father, as if she was there and knows.
6.       Anytime someone’s age is listed as 19 (in an attempt to avoid the lawsuit of saying they were underage when they had their baby with the 30 year old)
7.      A woman is “1000% sure” the man is the father or vice versa, e.g. the man is “1000% sure” he is not the father
8.     During the pre-taped segment, the alleged father says the woman “is a ho and knows for a fact that she was sleeping with at least insert ridiculous number here other men while they were together.”
9.       When someone runs backstage and falls to the ground crying/sobs against a wall upon hearing the results
10.   When someone jumps for joy and starts cheering upon hearing the results
a.       Take 2 drinks if they go into the audience for high-fives
11.   When the child has been named after the alleged father (i.e. Tyrone Jr.), but the results prove he (i.e. Tyrone) isn’t actually the father
12.   When the words “The results are IN” appear on the screen (because you just get so friggin excited for the reveal…don’t deny it, you know you do)
13.   When the “Tell it to Maury” question appears on the screen
14.   Anytime Maury asks the alleged father if he’s “going to step-up and provide for/take care of this child” if the child is proven to be his
15.   Anytime the woman compares the side-by-side pictures of the child/alleged father and points out how much they look alike
a.       Take 2 drinks if she does this and it turns out he isn’t the father
16.   Anytime the woman demands an apology from the now proven father
17.   Anytime someone yells at the television screen to talk to the people backstage

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